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Monday, 17 May 2010


ECSTASY....Cornish Pirates 23 - 14 Munster

Tries: Winn, McAtee

Cons: Bentley 2
Pens: Bentley 2

Try: Barnes

Pens: Cusack 3


Post-match and post several pints of St Austell's finest, standing in the concrete bunker of a windowless and airless hell-hole, known locally as the Camborne Recreation Ground Gentlemens Conveniences, gazing wistfully at the Cornish equivalent of the River Styx flowing past my boots, when the door bursts open and in marches the Falmouth Marine Band. I love military music, I love the pomp and ceremony, the uniforms, the gleaming instruments....but I can do without it as an accompaniment to my personal functions. I have issues on three levels...half of them don't come from Falmouth, none of them are Marines and they should be band (sic) least from the inner sanctums of a gentleman's toilette. Kilts and kazoos are not an excuse for prostate terrorism...bladders that had given their all for 80 minutes of big match tension and excitement were suddenly traumatised mid-flow at the spectacle of 30 Cornish tartans being lifted in unison...Question is, how does the banging of their tin can drums continue, when it would appear that all hands are otherwise engaged...answers on a post card to the male urinary ward of Treliske hospital...

'Lets keep it in the ball park lads!'

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